September in school is all about relationships. Beginning with the moment that a child is told the names of her teachers-to-be and a teacher reads the roster of names assigned to her for instruction, the most essential educational agenda is “getting to know each other.” If they don’t get their relationships right in September, the work of teaching and learning over the next eight months will suffer.
Why is this September work important? Because teaching and learning is a human interaction that, at its core, rests on a child’s belief that “my teacher likes me and wants me to be a successful student” and “my students understand me and want to learn from what I teach them.” When these two perceptions are firmly in place, daily assignments, curricular projects, constant questioning and answering, and the array of tests and assessments become the natural flow of a school year. When perceived relationships are negative, schooling is an adversarial conflict.
The perception of being “liked” by a teacher is amorphous; its nature depends entirely on the individual personalities of the student and teacher. However, there are key features that pervade the many faces of these relationships. A student must know that her teacher is genuine in knowing her name and in the smiles she sees on her teacher’s face. The delivery of positive words and actions matter, because they are the consistent measure a child uses to confirm her relationships. Quickly in the school year, a child who visually sees and emotionally feels a positive connection with her teacher begins to understand that teacher praise of successful learning and constructive criticism for things not learned well enough are given with good and sincere intention. Frowns and corrections within a positive relationship are more likely to lead to improved learning when the same frowns and corrections in an adversarial relationship likely lead to a shut down of learning efforts. When a child knows that her teacher really knows her, she will commit to her learning.
Equally amorphous is the concept of care. When a child perceives that a teacher really cares about her well-being, her safety, and her success in school, the warmth of this “care factor” fuels the child’s ability to persist with learning that is challenging and problems that appear to be insurmountable. “I care” is expressed with words and body language that teachers use to engage with a child. Personalized eye contact, physical and appropriate proximity, encouraging language, and, most important, persistence in “teacher-to-me” engagement that instructs, coaches, and acknowledges a child’s efforts and success are staples of a caring relationship. When these are amply demonstrated, a child will do whatever it takes to succeed. When these are absent, a child simply shuts down her willingness to participate in school.
Teachers who commit themselves to building the perception of their genuine liking and caring for each child as an individual and unique student can cause all the children assigned to their instruction to learn and grow in their knowledge, skills, and understandings of grade level curriculum. Beyond the immediacy of the school year, teachers who do these will be remembered well for a lifetime. Teachers who don’t build “I like you” and “I care about your learning” perceptions need to re-evaluate their professional career pathway, because their students already have written them off.